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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27131693">stars in your eyes</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account'>orphan_account</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Cliche, Coming of Age, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Kissing, Lee Jeno Being Dumb, M/M, Pining, Soulmates, Unrequited Love</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 19:47:30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>16,874</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27131693</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"How long have you known." </p><p>A brief pause, Jeno prepared himself for the worst, "Since we were young. Kids basically." The younger fixed his gaze on the mark that shined brightly under the pale light.</p><p>As soon as the quietness invaded their space, a gentle and firm finger trailed the dots and lines that made his soul mark, a shape of a crossbow that had detailed stars all around it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>68</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. chapter one</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>please read the tags, also, this is very cliche(?) I just wanted to write a soulmate au since the longest of time.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p>When Jeno's first jet-black stroke appeared in the inner flesh of his wrist when he'd been casually holding onto his best friend's hand, they were only around the age of nine and ten years old; the younger one had gone out of his way to plead Jeno to play with him and the other boys of their neighborhood, a game that required them all to hold hands.</p><p>But the moment their hands enclosed together, he felt it, from the corner of his eyes he glanced down briefly towards the aching patch of skin only to find a dash of black ink reflecting in the sunlight against the smoothen inside of his wrist.</p><p>It dawned upon him that he'd just met his soulmate, more than meet them, he'd been around them all his life and he's only shown signs of their alignment in that specific moment when their sweaty and humid palms had enclosed together.</p><p>It was gross but it wasn't unpleasant because it was his best friend, Na Jaemin, his friend and apparent soulmate, and as excitement had coursed through his entire body for the very first few seconds that he'd stared at the mark, it washed away with a mind numbing feeling, an ache inside his chest that told him it was definitely wrong, because never in a thousand years would Jaemin look at him the same way he looked at one of their mutual friends.</p><p>Never in a thousand years would they match together the way the universe wanted them to, if anything the affection and care he had for his best friend were completely and irrecoverably unnoticed by him.</p><p>It would always be that way between the two.</p><p>"Are you okay?" Jaemin spoke just above a whisper, staring at his face with a concerning look writing all over his features, Jeno nodded before he gripped on their clenched hands tighter.</p><p>"I am fine."</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>.*︵･｡ﾟ︶︵*</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>When they had both turned sixteen, it wasn't any surprise Jaemin had developed his own set of markings, he'd been so excited to tell his entire family and friends about it because that same day he'd spoken to his long time crush Huang Renjun.</p><p>A guy a grade above him, the one guy that he's had a crush on since freshman year, Jeno was well aware as he's heard the overly disgusting chirping of his friend when he talked about him, witness of whenever Jaemin's eyes glowed and his expression turned dreamy any time he spoke about the latter.</p><p>It was unbearable to the point Jeno had unconsciously done everything in his power to spend less and less time with the younger one, using as many excuses as he could gather, he temporarily made a friend that he'd never expected whilst he ran away from Jaemin's antics and disturbingly long speeches about the foreign boy he adored. </p><p>Eventually the time they spent together after school wasn't enough, they'd both drifted onto new things, as much as it had been Jeno's initial plan to get away from his friend for a while he had never expected to drift apart from him completely.</p><p>It wasn't bound to happen, they were soulmates after all — the only problem was that Jaemin was completely unaware, but who'd blame him when Jeno had hidden every possible hint that could link the two together from everyone and everything around them.</p><p>Sitting on the leather couch his parents owned inside his living room, the heat outside made his entire body melt into the couch like ice cream under a scorching and bright sun, giving off a sticky sensation that held onto his skin whenever he tried to move around to find a better position.</p><p>Groaning loudly, he carded his fingers through his damp hair as more drops of sweat dripped from his forehead.</p><p>About to give up entirely and put his head inside the freezer for a while, his train of thought had been disturbed when the door's bell rang, making him jump from where he was resting his entire body.</p><p>Heading towards his front door, his mouth was agape as he stared at the familiar face he hadn't seen for the longest of time, it had only been a couple of months and yet it felt like an entire lifetime had passed, "<em> Jaemin? </em>" He asked, tilting his head to the side he had no clue why the other had shown up under his doorstep out of the blue.</p><p>They hadn't spoken the entire summer, and when classes had begun their entire schedule had sent them apart from one another, not to mention Jaemin mingled with people that Jeno didn't quite know anymore.</p><p>"Hi, Can I come inside?" The younger one asked, rubbing his hand below his nape, it was a shy gesture that had the corners of Jeno's mouth lifting up into a smile the longer he stared, he'd always been soft for the other it was something he had no control of.</p><p>"Sure, there's no one home by the way, just me and the television." He announced, closing the door behind the two, Jaemin fumbled with his hands as he stared at the wallpaper that adorned Jeno's home.</p><p>"It's new, right?" He asked, of course Jaemin hadn't been there to see his parents renovating their entire house, he hadn't been there to see anything that has happened to him for the last couple of months, missing the minor details in Jeno's uneventful life, the wallpaper was just happened to be one of those things he hadn't seen from their lack of interaction throughout the entire year.</p><p>Nodding he made his way past the other towards his living room, settling down on the couch once more he patted the empty space next to him, wasting no time Jaemin was invading his left side, the warmth from the other's body didn't help the heat radiating outside or the <em> heat </em> that inevitably arises to his cheeks when their bodies were so close together.</p><p>Jaemin didn't know where to start, there were far too many things he wanted to talk about but the implications that came from it were nothing but terrifying — Jeno knew better than anyone that he'd been the reason they drifted apart, of course it was scary to speak again after everything that's happened between them.</p><p>"Do you–" "So how was–", they both said in unison, drawing out a couple of giggles from the two, Jeno gave Jaemin a small nod in order for him to continue speaking.</p><p>"I missed you." He spoke softly, grazing his fingertips against Jeno's knee, his touch was careful and tender, as if he was scared if he surpassed the line that had inevitably built between the two, Jeno would disappear from him again.</p><p>"I know that...we haven't talked in such a long time and this was probably me being impulsive but I was walking down the street and I just felt like I needed to talk to you because I missed having you around all the time, so many things happened this summer I wanted to be the first one to tell you but you weren't there and–"</p><p>Jaemin took a deep breath, the vomit of words momentarily stopping for him to brush away the droplets of tears that gathered in the corner of his eyes, watching him hold back from crying pained Jeno to unimaginable lengths, his chest tightened when the younger bit back a sob.</p><p>"Oh Jaemin. I'm sorry," Wiping away another set of tears from the other's eyes, he placed a lock of loose hair just behind his ear, giving the younger time for him to recover his ragged breath, blinking a couple of times Jaemin whimpered when he felt the soft pads of Jeno's fingers massaging his scalp in a gentle manner.</p><p>"I know we haven't talked and it's all my fault I'm really sorry." Jeno continued. </p><p>"It wasn't your fault, I had so many things to do and barely had time for us."</p><p>"That's not true, I was the one that got super busy when I joined the track team."</p><p>Jaemin chuckled, leaning closer to rest his forehead against Jeno's clavicles, he hummed appreciatively when the older tugged on the strands of hair below his nape, it was as if Jeno was petting a cat rather than a human.</p><p>"Yeah okay, it's your fault." the younger sighed, the huff of air brushing against Jeno's skin, immediately making him jolt in his seat but it went unnoticed as Jaemin drifted off into another dimension of pure ecstasy and relaxation, "<em> Okay, wow </em>, you could've said it was fifty fifty."</p><p>"You know I'm <em> kidding </em>." </p><p>Jeno laughed, the sound rumbling against his chest like thunder crashing through the clouds above them, he knew very well that Jaemin was indeed just joking with him, as if they hadn't missed a day with each other, they simply settled back into a comfortable space, like they had never been apart.</p><p>The two always found their way back to one another, regardless of the space and time between them, they'd always come back to each other.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>.*︵･｡ﾟ︶︵*</p><p> </p><p>"I am one hundred percent sure that Renjun is my soulmate, there's just no other explanation!"</p><p>Dipping another spoonful of ice cream into his mouth, Jeno read through his worksheet whilst listening to his two friends bickering with one another and Jaemin's fascinating takes about him and his all time crush being his soulmate when it was far from the truth, he just simply didn't have the heart to tell him that in fact, unmistakably, it wasn't Renjun but him.</p><p>"And what's your evidence Sherlock, you don't talk to him that much how can he possibly be your soulmate?" Donghyuck scowled, his eyes turning towards Jeno's direction who was still indulging in his free of sugar ice cream.</p><p>"Stop eating that! That's gross Jeno."</p><p>"I like to eat it, leave me be."</p><p>"Why? It doesn't even taste like <em> something. </em>That brand sucks anyways why are you eating it?"</p><p>Jeno shrugged, taking another spoonful and shoving it inside his mouth for his friend to see, "I don't know, keep talking about your soulmates please." He spoke while waving a hand at the two.</p><p>The youngest had been momentarily stunned while watching the two, his mouth was wide open, eyes hazed by a cloud of his own thoughts only to be brushed away when Jeno poked his side from where he was sitting next to him, "Yeah...So like I was saying, my constellation matches with his." He spoke slowly, smiling when he reached out to wipe away a drop of cream away from the corner of Jeno's mouth.</p><p>As if he was taking care of a child and not a grown man, the sight was enough to have Donghyuck fake a gag in front of them.</p><p>"Are you sure? Because the way you two act could have me thinking otherwise."</p><p>Jaemin snorted, "<em> Please </em>, never in a million years would me and Jeno be soulmates, it's impossible."</p><p>To say that hearing those words being spoken out loud didn't hurt Jeno, it was an understatement, they didn't hurt, it was much more than that, it sunk a begrudging sensation inside his stomach, as if being swallowed by quicksand just below his feet, he was dripping cold sweat from just a few words.</p><p>It shouldn't mean anything, he's told himself the same thing thousands of times and yet hearing them come out from the very person that was bound to him only made the fact that they were stuck forever much worse than he'd thought, Jaemin didn't want to be his soulmate, he wanted the perfect upperclassman with the impeccable grades and the blinding smile, the guy that made Jaemin's heart swoon whenever their eyes locked together across the room, the same person that his friend had been talking about for years.</p><p>Not him, not whatever Jeno was, it was definitely never going to be him. It only made it worse having to hide the fact that he had to hide his soul mark from his entire group of friends, from his own family, including Jaemin's.</p><p>"Right, so, Renjun then?" Their friend spoke up again, but the rest of their conversation had been drowned out, muffled sounds replaced instead with the steady thrumming inside his ears, he no longer felt hungry, tossing his laptop to the side, he stood from where he'd been sitting for the past hour.</p><p>They'd been in Donghyuck's house working for a project the three had been paired up to do, Jeno being the one that finished mostly everything, the need to runaway was churning his insides, clenching his fists together, his own nails digged the tender flesh of his palms, suddenly the long sleeved shirt he'd been wearing felt too tight over his chest, constricting his lungs it was harder by the second to catch his own breath.</p><p>"Jeno are you okay? You look kinda pale."</p><p>He nodded rapidly, "Yeah <em> yeah </em>, just...I forgot I had to do this thing and I totally forgot–Shit sorry I need to go." Grabbing onto his things, he set his backpack over his shoulders without second guessing if he had everything packed or not; the desperation and need to go outside was much bigger than his own rational mind.</p><p>Barely making it past the doorway, a hand circled on his elbow, catching him from tripping on a few blocks of Legos Donghyuck's younger brother had left around, "Jeno be careful." Jaemin spoke with a laugh following right behind.</p><p>"Are you sure you're okay? You even left your laptop behind."</p><p>"I'm fine I just need to get home quickly."</p><p>"Want me to drive? I got my license last month, remember." Jaemin grinned, showing off he had gotten his licence much sooner than Jeno had, but he didn't truly care he'd been more than happy to watch him get it after all those sleepless nights he spent with him through the phone trying to help him remember every guideline he had to memorize for his test. </p><p>It was one of those things he'd never do for anyone but him, staying up when he should've been sleeping, listening to the quiet complaints whenever Jaemin got a question wrong only for him to encourage the younger to try again, watching the minutes turn into hours, it soon became more than obvious to him how deep he was in love with him.</p><p>He wasn't sure if it was love, love was a strong word, but the little details, the small gestures that he all knew too well he'd only do for Jaemin were enough for him to realize just how royally screwed up he was, his soulmate mark had meant to be simply and purely platonic, never anything more than that, but the universe enjoyed screwing around with him soon those funny feelings he'd felt when he was younger had a much deeper meaning than he'd thought.</p><p>He was in love with Jaemin, he loved him too much, and not enough to tell him the truth.</p><p>"Yeah, I'm fine, I'll just go on foot, it's not that far."</p><p>Jaemin didn't look convinced at all but let it slide, much to Jeno's surprise, everything the younger did always managed to surprise him, "Alright, but text me when you get home."</p><p>"Okay dad." He joked amidst the crisis his brain was currently in, Jaemin rolled his eyes as far as the heavens could reach and let him go with a small pat on his back.</p><p>Sprinting out of the house the intake of freshly mowed lawn calmed his senses more than he'd thought, his erratic heart simmered down with every breath, clutching onto his laptop, there was no way in hell he'd ever confess to his friend that Renjun was in fact not his soulmate, he'd even go out of his way to make him believe he was if that made Jaemin happy.</p><p>As long as the other was happy he didn't need anything, he would be happy for the two even if he drowned himself in self pity and antagonized himself every passing night, he would always think about his soulmate's happiness first, if it came down to him and Jaemin, he'd always put the other above everything and anything.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>Digging the sole of his feet against the soft cushions, Jeno was sprawled on the floor with Donghyuck, working yet again on another one of their laborious tasks for their chemistry class, however it had all been forgotten when the honey haired boy had suggested yet again one of his mindless ideas.</p><p>Cupping his face with his slim fingers, the coldness of Donghyuck's hands was uncomfortable against his skin, groaning he tossed his head to the side ignoring the scowl that had formed on his friend's face.</p><p>"Jeno this is not how kissing works."</p><p>"I never agreed to anything."</p><p>"I asked you to help me practice, this isn't helping me practice!" </p><p>Jeno rolled to his side, dropping off his friend's weight that had been resting on top of him, he had never agreed to kiss him, much less knowing that if he ever <em>did</em> <em>agree;</em> it would imply his first kiss would be taken away by him, if he thought about it carefully it didn't sound as terrible as it seemed that his first kiss was taken by Donghyuck.</p><p>It was much better than kissing a stranger, much better than imagining he'd ever kiss his soulmate at all.</p><p>"If you are trying to practice then ask someone else not me." He breathed out tiredly, propping his head on his palm, he heard the other stand from where he'd been rudely tossed aside by Jeno, with a scoff he kicked his shin without much force but enough for him to grimace at the newfound pain.</p><p>"I asked you because of two obvious reasons." He spoke again, turning to stare at his friend, Jeno gave him an unamused look.</p><p>"Which are exactly?"</p><p>"Well first, your pathetic ass hasn't ever kissed anyone, believe me, I know."</p><p>Wordlessly Jeno stared at him with a blank expression on his face, the heat in his face rising up by the second, his ears were tinted a bright shade of pink, "How would you know?”  He muttered.</p><p>"And second," He said while raising his two fingers, blatantly ignoring Jeno's question, "It's also not hard to tell you like Jaemin." </p><p>Scrambling up to his feet, Jeno stood up too quickly his vision dimmed for a couple of seconds, sitting against the empty couch, the words forming inside his head were a jungle of an incoherent mess, nothing he'd said would make Donghyuck think otherwise, he was rather sharp and if he'd come to the conclusion Jeno liked Jaemin there was nothing that could possibly change his mind.</p><p>Not that he was wrong anyways.</p><p>"What does that have to do with anything?" He asked, voice coming out smaller than he had intended.</p><p>"I'm trying to help you practice for when you actually kiss him you idiot, isn't it clear already?"</p><p>Jeno feigned a pained face upon the mere suggestion, "I don't want to kiss <em> you </em>,"</p><p>"What makes you think I will?" He chuckled nervously, the other stared at him for a good minute before he was shaking his head in disbelief, "You can't be serious. You really think his soulmate is Renjun?"</p><p>Jeno shrugged, avoiding the other's questioning glare, he turned back to stare at his forgotten notebook, leaning down to grab the sheets of papers, he reached out for the pen laying around the couch to begin writing whatever came to mind and ignore the elephant in the room, he wasn't good with confrontation — rather choosing to avoid it at all costs, however that wasn't an option when it came to Donghyuck.</p><p>"I mean, who knows? He sounds like he's sure." He spoke nonchalantly, his hand shaking lightly as he scribbled on the paper.</p><p>"That's bullshit, there's so many reasons why that can't be true." The other threw his hands in the air, exasperated with the thought that Jeno would also believe such a story.</p><p>"For instance, the two don't even match at all, they don't even share hobbies, and don't get me started with how the two barely talk, if anything he doesn't look like he's in love with him, he probably just admires the guy and confused it with a crush–"</p><p>"Hyuck," Jeno said in a warning tone, "We don't know if that's true or not, if he likes him then just let him be." He finished, steadying his hand against his lap; he wasn't about to tell him that indeed, everything he'd said so far was true, it wasn't up to him to decide who Jaemin fell in love with or not.</p><p>"But you like him don't you?" </p><p>Jeno swallowed, the heavy silence that fell upon them was revealing enough, his friend took pity on him, sinking down next to him on the couch, he ruffled his hair, a soft smile grazing the corner of his lips.</p><p>"You are terrible, did you know that." It wasn't a question but rather a statement, Jeno finding it in himself to laugh rather than cry his heart out, he allowed the other to comfort him as best as he could, wrapping each other in a mantle of warmth and affection, the were abruptly interrupted when Donghyuck's younger brother walked inside the room.</p><p>His eyes were blown out wide with shock as he stared at the two, like he'd just caught them in the most compromising position he'd ever seen, he ran out of the room yelling at his parents that Donghyuck was being gross with his friend.</p><p>"That little shit." Hyuck muttered under his breath as he watched the brown mop of hair disappear from their sight, "I swear I'll kill him one of these days." </p><p>Jeno chuckled, "He's just a kid, leave him alone."</p><p>"An annoying kid, sometimes I wonder if he's really my brother." He huffed, a pout replacing the scowl that had previously formed when his brother had run out of the room.</p><p>"Actually, I think he's just as annoying as you."</p><p>The other feigned a gasp, "Lee! Take that back!" </p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>.*︵･｡ﾟ︶︵*</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>His friend had taken pity on him the first few weeks after the confession, the only problem that crashed upon them was that Donghyuck's brother didn't know when to shut his mouth, Jeno was convinced the two were the devil's son, on one random day where all of his friends had gathered around to meet up, they all came to the agreement to meet inside the latter's house and from that point on head somewhere else.</p><p>It would've all gone smoothly if it weren't for the fact that when all four of them had showed up at Donghyuck's doorstep, when the little devil laid eyes on Jeno he immediately let out a screeching sound that had everyone's attention on him.</p><p>"You kissed my brother, you thief!" He shouted, pointing an accusatory finger at him, all three of his friends turned to stare at the small boy and back towards Jeno who had nothing to say but hide his embarrassment behind Jaemin's shoulder.</p><p>"Fucking hell, how many times will I have to say we didn't kiss! Minjun!" Donghyuck shouted, chasing his brother down the corridor, his mother yelled at him from the upper floor to watch his language in front of his smaller sibling.</p><p>Standing in silence as they waited for their friend to return, Jaemin did him a favor and stood quietly in front of him, his back against his face, he couldn't think of what to tell him in order to dismiss away what the little dwarf had said.</p><p>"Jaemin…" He began quietly, tugging on the other's backpack, he heard the other make a noise from the back of his throat, urging him to continue, "I wasn't true." He ended, he was out of nowhere complete out of breath as he uttered those last few words.</p><p>The other turned to face him completely, a soft smile greeting his sight, his hands found Jeno's ones resting on his sides, interlacing their fingers together, it was enough to have his breath caught up inside his throat at the sudden motion.</p><p>It wasn't anything new that Jaemin enjoyed holding hands, but he'd never been so openly abrupt in displaying affection towards him as he did at that moment, especially not in front of their friends.</p><p>"<em>I know</em>," He mumbled, his voice sounding more of a whisper than anything else, "He's not your type."</p><p>Jeno raised a brow at him, completely taken aback at his words but didn't press any further, watching his other two friends from the corner of his eyes, they paid almost no mind to them as they chatted away between themselves.</p><p>"I'm sorry about that, I swear he drives me crazy." Donghyuck had come back, a sheepish smile on his face, he dangled his keys left and right and motioned for them to follow him towards the front door, "We should get going, I heard it was going to rain later today."</p><p>"That's probably not true, you know how they mess up all the time." One of them piped up.</p><p>"Dude, last time we got soaked in rain because you didn't want to bring an umbrella."</p><p>"That was just <em> one </em> time!"</p><p>Listening to their friends banter, the hand that was still holding onto him didn't let go for a second as they made their way out the door, didn't let go even when they walked down the street in a crowd of people, didn't let go when their hands become clammy and unpleasant to the touch, Jaemin never let go as if his life depended on holding onto him.</p><p>And maybe, just maybe, Jeno never wanted to let go of him as well.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>The line kept on growing as he spent more time with Jaemin, after their hangout the younger insisted on sticking to Jeno much more than usual, as if they were attached to the bone, there was no force of power that made the pink cotton candy haired guy move away from his secure spot next to him.</p><p>That’s only if a certain Huang Renjun was brought up, if that were the case Jaemin was the first to run towards the latter in open arms without a single glance back at him. </p><p>Sitting at the very back of the bus, Jeno zipped up his jacket all the way up, hiding in between the fabric, he closed his eyes for a few minutes while he waited for the rest of his classmates to get back inside and head back home.</p><p>It was one of those field trips Jeno found hard to enjoy when his mood was all over the place, he was beyond exhausted, his entire body ached from pacing around the entire weekend with his cheerful friend through a mountain of shops searching for the right present he’d give the chinese boy on his upcoming birthday, listening to him rant the entire way about the things the other enjoyed, they were all engraved inside his head as if Jeno himself was the one that had a infatuation with the guy.</p><p>He tried to avoid the acid-like feeling that tore every fiber of his heart whenever he spent time with Jaemin, all his attempts at avoiding him and putting some space between them turned futile whenever the younger threw him one of those upset faces at him, when his lips trembled from where he’d been biting them and his pitiful eyes bore into him, asking just why he’d left his side for so long.</p><p>Jeno didn't have the heart to keep himself away from Jaemin when every part of his body burnt in a raging fire whenever the two weren't together.</p><p>The younger probably didn’t know it yet but he had Jeno wrapped around his finger from the very beginning.</p><p>He just had to say the word and Jeno would throw an entire circus show if the other wished for it, being one of the very reasons he spent sleepless nights dreading himself, when no other thought traveled to his head he could only resort to loathing his entire being, for having a weak heart, for not speaking up about the things that pain him, for allowing everyone and anyone to step on him.</p><p>It didn't take long for the younger to find him, slumping his entire weight on Jeno's shoulder, he stifled out a groan when Jaemin held him in a tight embrace against his will, "I was looking for you all this time, do you not wanna go outside?"</p><p>"I'm just tired, I want to go home already."</p><p>"Jeno we are on a field trip you should stop being such a grinch." The other spoke with a grin on his face, scooting closer towards the older, he wrapped his arm around Jeno, fitting in a comfortable position next to him, time seemingly stopped when the two rested together inside the quiet bus.</p><p>He snorted, “Pretty sure a <em> grinch </em> is only applied to Christmas.” The younger feigned to consider his words, “Just pretend it’s Christmas then.”</p><p>Tracing a finger down Jeno's hand, Jaemin's interest perked up when a black line poked out from his sleeve, "Do you know how soulmates work, Jen?" He asked after a couple of seconds, ignoring the fact he'd just seen his soul mark, a mark that he never showed anyone but himself.</p><p>Jeno swallowed hard, "Just a bit."</p><p>"We have constellations on our bodies to help us find that one piece of us that we were born without, you know how they say we are made of stardust right?" He spoke carefully, explaining every detail and every nitpick of information he'd gathered over the years.</p><p>"Not sure how true it is but we were meant to find that missing piece? Sounds kind of fictitious if you think about it." He ended with a giggle.</p><p>Eyes never leaving Jeno's perplexed face, he moved to unzip his jacket, nestling his face inside the warmth of the older's body, Jaemin rubbed his nose against the crook of his neck, letting out a quiet sigh when the closeness of Jeno's body radiated a comforting warmth to his body, like his own personal heater, he began to feel the tugging of sleep from his own tired body the longer he wrapped himself around the older.</p><p>Allowing Jaemin to inch closer towards him, he nearly purred like a cat when Jeno rubbed his hands behind his back, "You're so warm all the time." Jaemin mumbled quietly, resting one of his legs across the other's lap, it would be so easy for them both to fall into a deep and quiet slumber just like that.</p><p>"And you're always so cold, it's like hugging a block of ice."</p><p>"That hurts me, I just tend to get cold more than you."</p><p>"Keep talking to me about soulmates, Nana."</p><p>Jaemin's face contoured into an expression that could only be described as funny, hadn't heard Jeno call him that specific nickname in a long time, he dismissed it when Jeno kept kicking his foot under the seat instructing him to continue his long lasting explanation.</p><p>"I'll keep talking about them if you show me your soul mark." He beamed, his eyelashes tickling Jeno's neck whenever he blinked against his skin, he let out a huff of air past his lips.</p><p>"It's not fair, you saw it just now by accident and I don't even know where yours is," He puckered his lips, "Not fair at all."</p><p>"Sometimes you act like a little kid Jeno." Jaemin laughed loudly, pressing himself impossibly closer towards the older, he finally let out a sigh when he realized Jeno wasn't going to talk.</p><p>"Fine, I'll let you see it once we both find our soulmates."</p><p>Jeno chuckled, a laugh that didn't sound as promising in his ears, he stared out the window where a crowd of people had formed around one of his classmates who fell in the sticky mud, Jaemin's soft and steady breath against his collarbones was soothing enough to calm his poor beating heart.</p><p>"That's a promise then." He replied, glancing down briefly at the boy sleeping under him, it only taken the younger a couple of minutes to drift into a soundless slumber when he was close to Jeno the way he was at that moment, they'd always been each other's pull, their ground whenever things got difficult and complex, they'd always bring each other back to their feet and that's what Jaemin adored about him the most.</p><p>And what made Jeno undeniably fall deeper for his best friend.</p><p><br/>
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</p><p>.*︵･｡ﾟ︶︵*</p><p><br/>
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</p><p>Fast forward to their last year in high school, Renjun had graduated before them, it wasn't a surprise as he was much older but the news had broken Jaemin, sniffling against the cushions of Jeno's bed, he held onto the covers tighter when the older pressed his palm against his forehead.</p><p>"I'm not sick, Jeno." He mumbled. </p><p>"You sure? With all that crying you really look like you're about to pass out." He joked, sitting down next to the younger, he waited for the other to respond with a witty remark, with any kind of response really but it never came, he'd grown worried that the news had truly affected Jaemin, it wasn't something that they hadn't seen coming but it surely still hit the other like a train.</p><p>"Nana," He spoke softly, running a hand through the other's hair, his dyed pink locks tangled between his fingertips, "I know you're sad but you can always send him a message, he's not dead or anything you could also visit him at campus."</p><p>"I know that already but–" <em> hiccup, </em> Jaemin's hiccups and sniffles weren't anything to gush over but Jeno couldn't help it and cooed at the adorable sight, "But I was so sure it was him.." he finished, poking his head out from the covers, his eyes locked with Jeno's for a moment.</p><p>A moment that felt rather too long.</p><p>"What are you talking about?" He managed to ask after those extremely long seconds where neither of them spoke.</p><p>"Before he left, at their graduation party, I kissed him." Jaemin sighed loudly, they tip of his nose red and his crimson tinted ears showed how truly embarrassed he was of recalling the events for the older to hear, and whilst he composed himself to keep on telling him the story of his shared kiss with the older guy.</p><p>Jeno's brain short circuited at the thought that Jaemin had been kissed already, that in fact he'd been delusional into believing one day the younger would wake up and realize it was him all along that he loved, that maybe one day they'd share their first date and kiss together.</p><p>That he hadn't been saving his own first kiss for nothing.</p><p>It was a sense of false hope that had all been shattered into millions of tiny pieces when he heard the news, he released a pained breath, grimacing at the thought of his soulmate kissing someone else, he kept a blank facade as he listened to the younger explain in detail how the kiss felt like nothing but explosions of fireworks inside his chest.</p><p>"And everything was going so well until I finally saw it, h–his constellation wasn't anything like mine."</p><p>Jeno took a deep breath, "How did it look?"</p><p>"Cepheus, it was just below his neck." Cepheus was one of the constellations better known as <em> 'the king', </em> an old tale that took place centuries back in time, but Jeno didn't have the time to recall the story when Jaemin's entire frame shivered from the breeze that got inside through his open window.</p><p>"Jeno. Window." He shook his head, standing from the bed he moved to close the curtains, "Yes your highness, I'm on my way."</p><p>"Can we stay in bed all weekend?" Jaemin mumbled, <em> we? </em>Jeno gave the younger a questioning look but the other was too lost in thought to notice, making grabby hands at him when he walked back to sit on the foot of his bed, he couldn't hide the wide grin that spread all over his face when the younger acted that way towards him.</p><p>"<em> You </em> can stay in bed all weekend, I have things to do tomorrow."</p><p>"Like what? Mister I'm too busy for my best friend and his broken heart."</p><p>"Well Donghyuck for example, he wants us to find a tank for his brother's fishes, you know how his parents bought him a small bowl for his birthday? Well, now he needs a bigger one."</p><p>Jaemin narrowed his eyes, waiting for Jeno to settle down his body next to him on the mattress, he curled up next to him the moment he did, wrapping his arms around his torso, he'd been trapped in between the wall and Jaemin's arms that didn't let go after he groaned in discomfort.</p><p>"I wouldn't know, I don't hang out with Hyuck as much as you do." The pink haired spoke, his voice muffled by Jeno's shoulder, it wasn't a lie, Jeno was the closest to Donghyuck compared to the rest of his friends.</p><p>"Well I just told you my plans for tomorrow, you can come too and quit moping over a guy that wasn't your soulmate to begin with." He laughed, earning a kick on his knee from the other; his laugh only grew bigger.</p><p>"Shut up, I hate you so much I shouldn't have ever told you." Jaemin groaned, holding onto him to hide his face from Jeno's amused gaze, it only worked to have the older feel pity upon the younger's wrecked state. It wasn't his fault he fell for the wrong person, perhaps if Jeno had spoken sooner they could've avoided the whole heartbreak and just gone to work on whatever their relationship was instead.</p><p>But he's been a coward, he'd like to think that eventually things would go his way if he was a little patient, but patience ran out like everything in life did, and as much as he was willing to wait for the younger to spare him a glance, he also couldn't help but realize that maybe — just <em> maybe </em>, that moment would never arrive.</p><p><br/>
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</p><p>.*︵･｡ﾟ︶︵*</p><p><br/>
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</p><p>"When did you two become soulmates?" </p><p>Jeno coughed loudly, his friend in no better position as he choked on his drink, making a noise from the back of his throat, the two would've given off the impression to have gotten caught by their friends and that the sudden revelation had made them flustered.</p><p>Flustered yes, getting caught? No. </p><p>"Mark what makes you think me and Hyuck are soulmates?" </p><p>The older smirked, dipping his hand back on his unfinished nachos, Jeno could feel the hand that had been gently resting on top of his stiffen, Jaemin who was sitting quietly next to him stared at him in disbelief, as if waiting for him to explain his side of the story to Mark's accusations.</p><p>"You two hang out all the time, you both even bought matching keychains, his brother even said you two kissed that one time."</p><p>Hyuck slapped the older's arm, "That wasn't even true jackass." If the situation went on any longer Jeno was going to lose his mind.</p><p>"Besides Jeno is in love with someone else." He finished, giving him an innocent look when he gasped loudly upon hearing him mutter those words out loud.</p><p>Jaemin's posture didn't relax at all, most likely taken aback by all the things that he didn't know about Jeno that were coming into the light, if glares could kill, his two friends would be buried six feet underground by now.</p><p>"<em> Oh </em>? Is that true?" Jaemin asked, watching intently his face for any signs of dishonesty, he couldn't maintain eye contact with the younger for long, not when those almond eyes were hard and threatening, "It doesn't matter." He mumbled, his gaze downcast to stare at their feet.</p><p>The silence that bestowed upon them after that was heavy and thick, the tension rising up by the second, Jaemin's reaction was uncalled for, never once had Jeno shown the other discomfort when he was bombarded with comments about the time he had a crush on their schoolmate, never did he complain, always showing a good front to the other, it didn't help that Donghyuck sent him an apologetic smile from the corner of his eyes.</p><p>He most definitely didn't need his pity.</p><p>"I told you about mine for years and you couldn't tell me about yours?" Jaemin broke the silence, his hands trembling from where they were resting against his thighs, clenching his jaw — it was a frightening look on the younger's face. </p><p>"It wasn't anything serious." Jeno continued, it only earned him a scoff come out of Jaemin's mouth, "But you told Donghyuck?" <em> You told him and not me. </em>He could read through the blurred lines, Jaemin wasn't upset that he liked someone, he was upset that he hadn't trusted him enough to tell him.</p><p>Mark patted the younger's back, "Hey guys? Let's calm down okay? Sorry I was just joking about the whole thing."</p><p>"Yeah and about Jeno's crush? Sorry, I shouldn't have said anything."</p><p>Jeno turned his back towards his best friend's face, he didn't have it in him to feign a calm facade for the other to see when he felt nothing but an inner turmoil that held onto his every nerve tightly.</p><p>"It's fine." He uttered, staring down at his phone, he only wished the day would come to an end sooner.</p><p><br/>
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</p><p>When the sunset peeked through the horizon, it was time for their little gathering to come to an end, Donghyuck had done him the favor to accompany Jaemin alone to his house, using it as an excuse for them to resolve the tension between them, it hadn't worked at all as they walked in silence all the way to Jaemin's front porch.</p><p>The small rays of sun giving the younger a glow that radiated through his colorful pink locks twisted and tugged the strings of his heart, as upset as he felt, he could never deny his friend's beauty that never faltered to make his heartbeat rise through the years of being together.</p><p>Standing carefully behind the other, they walked the steps towards Jaemin's front door, stopping to search for his keys, Jeno could already tell there was no way the other would speak unless he did it first.</p><p>"Nana," He began, breathing a sharp intake of air, he waited for the other to turn towards him upon hearing his nickname being called, "I'm sorry."</p><p>Jaemin sighed tiredly, "For what?"</p><p>"I know I should've told you but believe me I just couldn't." He fumbled with his hands, waiting for the younger to show any signs of reaction, the pink haired only fixed his gaze on a spot below Jeno's feet, seemingly lost in thought.</p><p>"But you could tell Hyuck?" He spoke quietly, barely audible but Jeno prided in his good sense of hearing, "I didn't tell him, he just knew." He finished with a chuckle, in hopes it would lighten up the mood but it worked to no avail.</p><p>Jaemin’s dejected face didn’t vanish with a simple huff of air, he wasn’t sure what to do when his friend looked like somebody had just kicked a puppy.</p><p>"So he noticed but I didn't...I'm supposed to be your best friend and I didn't notice you having feelings for someone else." The rapid blinking from the other's eyes pushed Jeno to stand closer to the younger, Jaemin wasn't usually emotional unless it was something that deeply wounded him, apparently his lack of reading Jeno's feelings had been one of those things.</p><p>He didn’t blame him, however, he wasn’t open to his emotions as most people were, there wasn’t anything wrong with him except his lack of voicing what he truly felt to others.</p><p>Specially how he felt for his best friend</p><p>"It's not your fault, it was something that I just didn't tell anyone," He spoke calmly, tugging on the hem of the younger's sweater, he complied and allowed Jeno to pull him close until their chests were pressed together.</p><p>"I am sorry Jaemin, I won't keep things from you anymore."</p><p>The younger hummed, the sound vibrating through Jeno's spine in a pleasant way, "It's fine if you keep your own secrets, I'm just sad that I've been a terrible friend and Donghyuck noticed before I did. I am not trying to be petty, it's just that–I feel like there’s a barrier between us.” </p><p>Taking another deep breath, Jaemin cradled Jeno's face between his slim and soft hands, "I think I should go to bed now, thanks for today."</p><p>"This early?"</p><p>"It was an exhausting day," He said, "But Jeno?"</p><p>The older tilted his face, watching the other's plump lips as Jaemin's tongue grazed over them, coating them with his own saliva, it drew in an embarrassed sound from Jeno's mouth, turning to face the younger's eyes instead and save himself from the embarrassment.</p><p>It did him no good when the younger's expression was soft, too soft, adoration written all over his features the longer he stared at Jeno, with so much affection it suffocated him.</p><p>It was too much for Jeno to handle, he's never been used to that gaze directed towards him, he's seen it countless times in Jaemin's eyes whenever he spoke about somebody else but him.</p><p>When his own parents stared at one another regardless of the years they've spent together, whenever he caught Donghyuck watching his friend from afar, it was a sight he knew all too well, but he's never seen it being directed at him, much less from the one person he's been in love with since he could remember.</p><p>"Whoever you have feelings for, they're extremely lucky." Jaemin finished, pushing himself away from their close proximity, the jingle of the keys woke him from the haze of emotions that rushed through his head when he'd seen the younger's eyes.</p><p>Watching the other closer the door behind him, once again the universe worked its way to mock him, laughing at him from afar, he'd imagined it all, Jaemin's words meant nothing, their shared moment had no hidden meaning to be resolved.</p><p>They were simply two friends, two people that were never meant to be apart and never to be too close. A beautiful catastrophe.</p><p><br/>
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</p><p>.*︵･｡ﾟ︶︵*</p><p><br/>
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</p><p>"Jeno you're so <em> dramatic </em>! More than dramatic I really can't stand your ass."</p><p>The older whined, lowering his head further, the rise of his friend's voice had drawn a couple of curious and irritated eyes towards them, they were in a public library after all — one of those days he'd decide to spend his afternoon studying and drown himself in self pity and books rather than confront his own feelings.</p><p>And who better to listen to his obnoxious ranting than his close friend?</p><p>"I'm not even sure how you managed to hide it from him all this time." Donghyuck rubbed his temples, fixing his stare on the bright screen of his laptop, he typed away his own set of work while he audibly scolded Jeno for the public eye to see.</p><p>"I told you this because I needed advice," He said, his voice muffled by the fabric of his sweater, "Not for you to tell I'm dumb." </p><p>"But you are, like, the dumbest person on this planet." The other cackled, clapping his hands together in amusement.</p><p>"Actually I don't know who is worse your or Jaemin–"</p><p>Jeno huffed, cutting off whatever his friend had in mind, "Hyuck, I'm so screwed." Nestling his head on top of his arms, his own assignments long forgotten as they kept their conversation going. </p><p>He heard the other let out a long sigh escape his lips, soon a hand was rubbing his back in languid and steady motions, Donghyuck would never admit it but regardless of his crude and bold way of telling you what you need to hear, without any filters.</p><p>He also worried about his friends nonetheless, when he'd tell you everything you that you've done wrong your entire life, he also deeply cared about Jeno when he witnessed the sad and pitiful look he carried around all the time.</p><p>It was characteristic of him to become as sweet and understanding as one needed him to be right after he finished his witty comments.</p><p>"Just tell him the truth." Donghyuck spoke with care, his voice sounding much softer than before.</p><p>"He's had a crush on the same guy for over nine years, do you really think he'd change his heart suddenly because I tell him he's my soulmate?" He snapped his head up, eyes fixed on Donghyuck's side profile who only wore a frown on his face upon hearing his ridiculous thoughts.</p><p>"You really don't know unless you try to tell him?" </p><p>"I'm not going to say it."</p><p>"Just do it! Please, <em> don't </em> mention I ever said this but, anyone would love to be your soulmate." He finished with a sly smile.</p><p>As if summoned by their conversation through the last hour, a familiar set of hands rested on top of Jeno's shoulders when he least had expected, jolting in surprise he turned to stare at the person that had invaded their conversation so out of the blue.</p><p>"Jaemin…?" The younger beamed at the mention of his name, circling Jeno's neck, he embraced him from behind, rubbing his cheek on the crook of Jeno's exposed skin.</p><p>"The one and only. Hi Hyuck," He greeted their friend, "What were you guys talking about?"</p><p>Donghyuck gave Jeno a knowing look, his smile turning in a devilish smirk upon Jaemin's sudden arrival, pleading with his eyes for the other to not say a word, the caramel haired boy gave him a final shrug before settling back all his attention to his unfinished project.</p><p>"Just chatting with Jeno, like usual, he's being too loud." He mumbled nonchalantly.</p><p>"Is that so?" Jaemin raised an eyebrow, watching Jeno's face intently with a playful grin, however the older didn't have it in him to stare at those dark and long fluttering lashes when he couldn't mutter a single word that didn't start with <em> 'Jaemin' </em> and <em> 'You're so goddamn beautiful,' </em></p><p>Staring at the other's face up close did things go his poor weakened heart.</p><p>"Want to catch some coffee with me, Jen?"</p><p>"Right now?"</p><p>"Yeah," He nodded, "Right now is fine, if you're not not busy?” </p><p>Briefly gazing at Donghyuck from the side, the other didn’t show any signs of care in the world, the entire place could catch on fire and he’d be too preoccupied with finishing his due work before anything else.</p><p>And with all honesty Jeno couldn’t conjure the motivation to finish his own work when his soulmate was around to distract him with his devoted attention towards him, ever since they’ve gotten closer to graduating the younger has taken it up to stick by him no matter what, making up for all those times he went out of his way to follow Renjun like a puppy follows its owner, now that he was out of the way he’d moved on to make it up to Jeno.</p><p>It both offended him and pleased him at the same time, but mostly he just couldn’t help the warmth that spreads through his rib cage whenever the younger touches his hand, hugs him whenever he’s happy to see him, whenever they’re alone and Jaemin’s eyes glimmer brightly under the blinding lights.</p><p>“I’m not busy.” <em> Not busy when it comes to you. </em> He wanted to say but held back his tongue, he’d always be to Jaemin’s disposition no matter what.</p><p><br/>
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</p><p>.*︵･｡ﾟ︶︵*</p><p><br/>
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</p><p>Immediately everything that he’d built over the years had been all torn down, like a heavy storm crashing down without notice, drenching him in cold water from head to toe, he had been too careless and ruined any opportunity he ever had; if he had any at all to begin with.</p><p>Like every Sunday ever since summer had begun,  Jeno would go visit his friend down the small bakery he worked in.</p><p>The soft pastries he usually craves throughout the entire week would be indulged whenever Jaemin gave him a taste of the latest things he baked with the help of his fellow co-workers.</p><p>Jeno enjoyed the lemon tarts, the puffy and fresh flavors melted in his mouth whenever he had a taste, and whenever his friend had the decency to be slightly kind with him (even when he wore a scowl on his face and glared at Jeno for asking) he'd put water on the stove and let it boil carefully to prepare him a cup of tea.</p><p>It all sounded dreamy, he often wondered if that place was somehow otherworldly, letting out a pleasant hum when his nose was greeted with the scent of green tea oozing from the small place, he saw a mop of pink hair poking out from below the counter.</p><p>"Nana?" He asked with a chuckle when the younger stood abruptly from his spot and managed to his head on the way.</p><p>"<em> Ouch </em>, Hey Jen, I'm doing stuff that–well just stuff." He gave him a dopey smile, rubbing the spot just above the crown of his head that throbbed in pain.</p><p>"That's <em>really</em> descriptive."</p><p>"Be quiet, want to try a new cake I made? It's actually good this time I promise."</p><p>Jeno narrowed his eyes, pretending to consider his offer he knew extremely well he couldn't say no to him, "Let's give it a try then."</p><p>With a glint in his eye, Jaemin brought the cake out from the stand where they kept the fresh goods, cutting out a slice for him, the plates had a couple of cute pastel designed drawings on it, "This place is sometimes too overly cute." Jeno laughed when he heard the other click his tongue.</p><p>"Whatever you say, oh, by the way? I wanted to ask you something." His playful and smiley expression had been wiped completely from his face and a sudden stoic and blank aura surrounded his entire frame.</p><p>Jeno could tell the question wasn't good at all, "Okay," he said while placing his fork down, "What is it?"</p><p>The ticking sound of the wall clock hung above their heads was loud and heavy against the silence that followed suit right after, the anticipation to hear Jaemin's thoughts come out of his mouth put every nerve inside Jeno's body on alert.</p><p>Folding his hands neatly together, Jaemin pressed his lips together until he was finally talking again, "Is Donghyuck really your soulmate?"</p><p>Blinking once, twice, he took an awfully long amount of time to process the information he'd just heard, he wanted to cry, to laugh, because how absurd could anyone be to think he and his friend were soulmates at all? It was pure comedy for his ears.</p><p>"You...Why do you think that?"</p><p>Jaemin groaned, "Come on just tell me, I heard Mark and Hyuck talk the other day all secretive and I kinda overheard your name in the conversation, they were talking about secret soulmates and–I didn't think you and him were actually...If it's true then I'm really happy for you both."</p><p><em> "Really happy for you both." </em> The words repeated inside his head like a broken record, waiting for Jeno to speak up, say anything at all, the only thing he could mutter out of his trembling lips was a " <em> Yes </em>."</p><p>Jaemin's face shifted into something indescribable but it had gone as fast as it came, smiling brightly at Jeno's confession, the pink haired one offered him another freshly cut piece of cake.</p><p>"That's great. Who would've thought." He chuckled, bidding his smile with his hand, "Yeah, who would've thought." Jeno replied, all excitement and anticipation he had through the week had been drained out of him completely.</p><p>"I never saw that coming." Jaemin mumbled, scratching the back of his head.</p><p>"Well, things just happen right?" He asked, his hold on the fork tight enough that his whole palm turned red from his brute force. Biting the inside of his cheek — every emotion running through his body asked him to run away, to leave and never come back, but it was simply his own fright and the denial speaking.</p><p>"Right." Jaemin responded, as soon as the visit concluded, they both parted ways without a single word between them that promised a better day the next morning. </p><p>It all simply ended as it arrived.</p><p><br/>
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</p><p>Jeno woke up in the middle of the night to a series of texts that buzzed through his phone as he tried to sleep.</p><p>Blinking tiredly, he squinted his eyes when the bright light of his phone blinded him for a few seconds before he tapped on his notifications.</p><p><br/>
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</p><p><b>Nana ♡</b> 01:18 a.m :</p><p>jennooooooo</p><p>heyyy jen</p><p>imsoooo dreknk lol</p><p> </p><p><b>Nana ♡</b> 01:25 a.m :</p><p>miss u plss wana see u</p><p>ily oples call meeee</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Jeno hadn't spoken to Jaemin for a couple of days after his failed visit at the bakery, everything between the two had gotten tense since the false confession he'd given the younger, he thought for a while that maybe<em> , </em> Jaemin was upset he hadn't told him the news sooner than the rest of his friends.</p><p>It went on like that for five days until that exact moment when his friend appeared to be drunk and calling out for him.</p><p>He dialed the younger's phone, but after a few tries his calls wouldn't go through, he began getting worried over Jaemin's safety, it was rare he had a taste of alcohol, when he did he was as light as a feather with just a couple of drinks.</p><p>Dialing a different number, he let out an embarrassing noise when the person on the other line had picked up.</p><p>"Mark? Hey sorry for calling this late but is Jaemin with you?"</p><p>He heard a loud clattering sound from the other line accompanied by a couple of giggles, "Shit, sorry he just dropped a pan, yeah dude he's here, he went out to drink with a few other seniors and I had to get his sorry ass from making an embarrassing scene."</p><p>Jeno let out a breath of relief he didn't know he had been holding, "Jeez, I was so worried, can I come over? He messaged me he wanted to see me."</p><p>"This late? What about your folks?"</p><p>"They're sleeping, it will just be a few hours and I'll come back."</p><p>He heard Mark struggle with a drunken Jaemin on the other line, if it were him he'd make sure the other drank enough water until he sobered down.</p><p>"Okay, yeah, please do come, he's making a mess in the kitchen!"</p><p><br/>
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</p><p>.*︵･｡ﾟ︶︵*</p><p><br/>
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</p><p>By the time he arrived the sight wasn't pretty.</p><p>There were pots thrown around Mark's apartment, he was older than the rest of them so it was only logical he had a dorm of his own that he shared with another person. He was just in college when they were merely a few months from graduating from the hassle that was high school.</p><p>As soon as he got inside the apartment Mark singlehandedly had thrown Jaemin over to him, as if it was his turn to take care of him, the older waved him a goodbye and disappeared into the confinements of his bedroom.</p><p>Jaemin was soundly asleep, the steady rise of his chest was soothing enough that every worry and anxious thought that had carved inside his head dissipated with a single look at the younger.</p><p>He was safe, he'd been glad Mark found him first. </p><p>Sitting next to him on the couch, he carefully accommodated himself next to the younger boy, running a hand through his hair, it was damp with sweat and what he hoped was water.</p><p>Placing back a few strands of hair that had gathered on Jaemin's forehead, he smiled when the other hummed in his sleep, nuzzling the side of the thin blanket draped over his body. Jeno couldn't stay for long, his parents would definitely notice if he came back in the morning with dark bags under his eyes from the lack of sleep.</p><p>He'd sneaked out simply to watch his soulmate safe and sound, reassured that nothing would possibly happen to the latter, he stood from his spot when a hand circled around his wrist, stopping him mid-air from moving away.</p><p>Two sets of dark orbs stared at him from the couch, the window allowing some of the moonbeam to seep inside, giving Jaemin's already regal features and angelic glow as he watched Jeno's face intently with hazy and exhausted eyes.</p><p>"You're here." He mumbled, voice groggy from sleep, Jaemin slid his hand further until he was intertwining their fingers together, "I missed you."</p><p>Jeno's chest ached, hearing such words coming from the other's mouth did a marvelous job at swaying his heart, "I was worried, you were drunk, how are you feeling?"</p><p>The pink haired didn't show any signs of responding to Jeno's question when his eyes landed just below his wrist, and that's the moment he realized he had screwed up, under the moonlight, his soulmate mark glimmered with more intensity compared to when it faced the sun.</p><p>He'd forgotten to cover it up, rushing out of his home, he'd completely screwed everything up, Jaemin knew, his face was contorted into something Jeno couldn't pinpoint, pain, confusion, fear, anger, perhaps all of the above, like a blow to his lower stomach, he felt the world spinning below his feet.</p><p>A cold shiver ran down his spine, <em> He doesn't want to be your soulmate, he's never liked you, </em>all kind of thoughts roamed through his head, making his erratic heart impossible to simmer down, his head was clouded with fear when Jaemin didn't mutter a single word as the seconds and minutes passed by.</p><p>Tugging on his hand to free it from Jaemin's hold, the other held on tighter at his attempt, You-you are?" The younger's voice was quiet, barely audible but the stillness of the room made it all too clear for Jeno's ears.</p><p>"You're my soulmate? Jeno?" His hands trembled underneath Jaemin's hold, he had not only hidden that fact from the younger but also lied a couple of days ago about it as well, he's done nothing but hurt the other and now that the truth was out in the open he was that Jaemin would detest him, loath him for all those times he kept to himself.</p><p>"I'm sorry Jaemin, I am really sorry, I should go–" Pulling himself away from the other's hold, he couldn't move an inch when the grip on his hand didn't falter as he made his way to stand up completely, Jaemin sat up right on the couch, making it difficult for him to runaway.</p><p>"I just found out that you're my soulmate and you want to leave? You are going to disappear from me?" His voice was shaky and soon the older realized Jaemin had started to cry, a set of tears dampening his smooth and rosy cheeks, every drop sliding towards his neck, he couldn't contain the sobs and choked cries as he stared at a spot just below Jeno's chest, avoiding eye contact at all costs.</p><p>"Why didn't y-you tell me? Did you not like me? Was I too bad Jen? Why-" He sobbed louder, at this point Jeno didn't know what to say, he could give Jaemin a million of reasons and excuses but in all truthfulness — he'd simply been selfish with his own feelings.</p><p>"I'm sorry Jaemin. Please don't cry, I am here, don't cry." He cupped the other's cheeks, wiping away his tears with his thumbs, the younger's gaze turned upwards to face him, "You said Hyuck–"</p><p>"I lied, I know it was fucked up. He's not my soulmate but you are." He grimaced when Jaemin's nails digged painfully on his arms, drawing out crescent marks that would take a while to fade away, his sobs were getting smaller and shorter the more Jeno spoke to him.</p><p>"How long have you known." </p><p>A brief pause, Jeno prepared himself for the worst, "Since we were young. Kids basically." The younger fixed his gaze on the mark that shined brightly under the pale light, the dimmed room making it impossible to tell just exactly what was going through Jaemin's delicate frame.</p><p>As soon as the quietness invaded their space, a gentle and firm finger trailed the dots and lines that made his soul mark, a shape of a crossbow that had detailed stars all around it.</p><p>It was nothing special, but to him, and Jaemin, it meant everything.</p><p>"I can't believe this." The younger breathed loudly, Jeno winced in pain, he knew what was to come, he'd prepared himself countless of times inside his head for rejection but it didn't take away the aching feeling that tugged on his heart, being rejected by your soulmate was the worse kind of feeling to exist. </p><p>"I know you hate it. I really tried to hide it for so long Jaemin, I wanted you to be happy with whoever you wanted but it didn't work in the end. I'm sorry, I will understand if you hate me now."</p><p>There was nothing more left to say, and yet everything felt incomplete as the silence didn't help his nerves, the younger didn't voice anything after that. Too lost in his own thoughts to say anything at all, Jeno took it as a cue to leave, they both needed space, time, this time when he separated himself from the younger, he didn't move an inch to hold him back.</p><p>Seated on top of the couch, the last glimpse of the younger's face he caught was swallowed by the darkness that filled the entire room.</p><p>Jeno had screwed up, and now, there was no way he'd fix it.</p><p><br/>
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</p><p><br/>
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  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. chapter two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>"Can you promise me there will be no more secrets between us? No more keeping our feelings? Please." Jeno gave him a single nod; the tension between their bodies evaporating within the couple of minutes they spent together.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>sorry this took forever to finish I was caught up with other stories so now I finally had time.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"When was the last time you two spoke?"</em>
</p><p>He blatantly ignored every single message directed his way, every question, he discarded without much thought because in all honesty, he didn't want to be reminded of the eventful night that happened a couple of weeks back.</p><p>He'd done nothing to contact Jaemin and the latter had done the same, neither wanting to speak to each other. It was given as the sudden revelation of the fact they were soulmates after hiding for as long as he had, suddenly, without notice, had come out to the light.</p><p>If Jeno hadn't been so careless that night, everything would be as usual, normal, if there was anything normal about them before—it was a lot different now.</p><p>"Jeno! Hey!" He barely managed to turn his head towards the voice that called his name without the light-headed feeling that came along whenever he moved from his spot in the library.</p><p>He had punished himself by overworking himself for his finals, it wasn't as awful as it seemed, in fact he needed to study to make up for the time he'd lost.</p><p>"You look like…" </p><p>"Crap?"</p><p>"Was going to say you look tired, but yeah, that works too."</p><p>It was Wong Yukhei, he wasn't particularly close with the guy but he wasn't much of a stranger either, he's seen him a couple of times chatting with his friends.</p><p>"How's you and Hyuck doing?" He asked with a grin on his face, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively, he connected the dots inside his head and audibly groaned out loud when he realized what Yukhei meant, "Not you too." He mumbled under his breath.</p><p>The other laughed, his toothy smile would lighten up the entire room like a bright reflector in the dimmed dark sky, "Everyone knows you two are soulmates, right?"</p><p>"Not really." Jeno mumbled, catching up with his notes, he pointedly avoided the other's eyes in order to maintain some of his composure.</p><p>"Oh, then, sorry. I kinda just assumed because everyone kept talking about it." Jeno waved a hand at him dismissively, he truly didn't care what people spat about him, it was all rumours that he'd made without truly thinking about the consequences he'd face, he just wasn't sure who had spread the rumour when he'd only told Jaemin himself.</p><p>Jaemin wouldn't go around treating it like gossip, that's what he told himself.</p><p>"Wanna come to my house tomorrow? We're throwing a last party to celebrate our graduation, it will be cool man."</p><p>Jeno pressed his lips into a thin line, there was no point in him attending someone's party when in reality all he wanted was stay hidden inside his room until graduation was over, he didn't have the guts to face Jaemin as much as all never in his body begged him to speak to him, to make sure he's alright, he simply couldn't.</p><p>He was too afraid of himself, of saying the wrong thing.</p><p>"I think I'll pass, thanks though."</p><p>"No problem. See you around?"</p><p>Jeno gave him a dismissive nod, "Yeah, I'll see you later."</p><p> </p><p><br/>.*︵･｡ﾟ︶︵*</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He'd been absolutely wrong, completely and utterly wrong, he'd believed that Jaemin, the person he's known for half his life, his soulmate, his best friend, wouldn't treat things that happened that day in a petty manner, that the issue with Donghyuck would simply be forgotten and he'd just accept that the two were bound to be together in the most exasperating way as it sounded.</p><p>He was sure they'd be able to talk things out and hopefully fix their friendship.</p><p>He had it all wrong.</p><p>
  <em>"I heard Donghyuck cheated on Jeno."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Someone said that Jeno pretended to be Donghyuck's soulmate, that's desperate of him."</em>
</p><p>He'd been the target of everyone's comments, the hushed whispers in the hallways, the curious glares directed his way, and when you'd ask who was the mysterious source of it all, everyone pointed at none other but the school's most beloved choir member, Na Jaemin.</p><p>Furious wouldn't begin to cover just exactly how he'd felt when he found out, he was fuming, his jaw was clenched tightly and the grip on his backpack had every knuckle on his hand white from the tremendous amount of force he used.</p><p>He'd take those comments from anyone, absolutely anyone, but not Jaemin, not when his chest contracted painfully over the past years when he'd never muttered a single thing about Jaemin's love life, when he'd been so patient, when all he's ever done was think of the other's happiness.</p><p>Without knocking on the door, he pushed it wide open, knowing they had practice after school like every other Wednesday, a mop of pink hair was sitting at the back of the room, their eyes locked for a couple of long and painful minutes until one of their school's mates broke the silence.</p><p>"Can I help you?" The person coughed, awkwardly shifting from one foot to another, "Can I talk to Jaemin for a second?"</p><p>The younger's face was like a deer caught in headlights, composing himself, he stood from his chair — brushing off inexistent dust from his jeans, he made his way towards Jeno with slow and careful steps.</p><p>Closing the door behind them, he didn't mutter a single word until the other followed him away from the choir's room, he had the smallest decency to not cause a scene in front of Jaemin's friends.</p><p>Once the other got tired of following him around the school grounds, he tugged on his arm, making him stop dead in his tracks.</p><p>"Whatever you're going to tell me just do it already." He spoke while sharply; his fingers tapping against his leg, he was just as nervous as Jeno felt. He's always managed to read him unlike anybody else.</p><p>"You haven't talked to me." All confidence and sureness he'd felt, had gone down the drain the moment he was alone with his best friend, he had been determined to speak loud and clear—ask him about what just happened with the tidbits going around school, hopefully fix whatever they had to mend.</p><p>"And can you blame me?" He asked, tilting his head to the side, staring at Jeno with hard eyes that he'd never seen on the other's face before.</p><p>"I know that I lied. I know that you're probably hurt–" "<em>Probably?</em> You think I'm probably hurt? Jeno. You lied to me." He cut him off, crossing his arms together, every word he said hammered another nail inside his chest.</p><p>He'd done nothing to lie to the person he loved, the person that he cared about, it was a reaction he already long expected but neither of them were thinking rationally at that exact moment.</p><p>"You think I'm going to just forgive everything? Like we're going to go back as if nothing ever happened, Jeno?"</p><p>He swallowed hard, shaking his head softly he heard the other take a ragged breath, the arms that were neatly crossed against his chest moved around enough so that this time around Jaemin was hugging himself.</p><p>"It wasn't my intention to hurt you but—I'm hurt. It feels awful to know your best friend lied to your face for so long." A saddened smile grazed his features Jeno longed to brush away, he dreaded nothing more than to watch his best friend upset.</p><p>"I know." He agreed, he knew just exactly how it felt to be rejected by the person you cared the most for.</p><p>"I just need time to process all of this, Jeno. I need time to understand why you'd keep this from me." <em>I need time away from you.</em> That's what he'd truly want to spit out, he was letting Jeno down softly, in order to not cause any more trouble for the older, they were friends after all, that's what friends did for one another.</p><p>"I didn't mean to hurt you, Jaemin. I swear." The other lifted his gaze from where it shield itself from Jeno's eye.</p><p>Jaemin's brown orbs twinkled under the sun rays that peeked through the open windows—corridors now empty; the only sound around them was the faint chirping of the birds outside and the vague sound of chattering from the students that were waiting patiently for Jaemin's return.</p><p>"I know, but you did. I just need a little time."</p><p>A punch to the gut would've pained him less than hearing those words out loud, he'd never intended to hurt his friend, he'd never meant for any of it to happen. </p><p>He only wished the other eternal happiness, with or without him. </p><p> </p><p><br/>"Jeno. You're going to make the flowers wither with your sadness."</p><p>Hyuck had been considerate enough to not call him out for the lie he'd pulled out a couple of weeks ago, if anything, he’d been more than understanding, but that hadn’t brushed away the fact he wasn’t completely happy with him.</p><p>“I know you miss him but you should look at the bright side.”</p><p><em>“And that is?</em>” </p><p>Hyuck snickered, “Having me around.” Jeno gave his friend a short beam, the corners of his mouth didn't reach high enough—it only resulted in a pitiful frown.</p><p>No matter the attempts his friends pulled to brighten up his mood, it all failed miserably when every thought inside his head was full of 'Jaemin.' And him only.</p><p>"Come on, he doesn't deserve your tears. If anything he was kind of an asshole." Jeno propped his head on the heel of his hand, raising an eyebrow when he heard the other's bitter words coming out of his mouth. "What do you mean?"</p><p>Donghyuck scoffed, "You did so much for him, whether you kept the secret to yourself or not you were always selfless! We had to hear him cry over Renjun for years and now he's suddenly going to give you the cold shoulder because you just wanted to make him happy?"</p><p>Jeno bit the inside of his cheeks, as much as the other's words were entirely true, he felt guilty speaking ill of his best friend behind his back, something more to add to the list of things that he should fix is the amount of selflessness he's willing to sacrifice for his soulmate; it was terrifying just how much he was willing to do for Jaemin.</p><p>"He doesn't deserve your kindness, Jen, soulmates or not," He sighed loudly, "You should look out for yourself more." He finished with a gentle smile, poking the older's cheek with his index finger as a playful gesture.</p><p>"I know." </p><p> </p><p>.*︵･｡ﾟ︶︵*</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He truly kept to Donghyuck's words and allowed himself to be rightfully upset at Jaemin, he didn't try to contact the other boy regardless of the amount of time they'd spent apart from one another. As if caught between a deja vu, he's separated himself from the younger like he'd done in the past — when they were slightly younger.</p><p>He wasn't going to beg his best friend for an ounce of their attention and appreciation — he'd be stronger this time, for himself, for his family, for his own friends.</p><p>He'd completely detach himself from Na Jaemin, if that meant he'd finally be happy.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Gripping tightly on the lapels of the other boy's jacket, Jeno was pushed back to sit below the damp and humid grass, his pants wet with the remaining droplets of water that gathered in the grass, his head was spinning — a cloud of fog that encircled his thoughts whilst his mouth slotted against the other boy kissing him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Jeno." the other panted, his hands carefully cupping his jaw, tilting his head to the side, allowing more space for the other to drop open mouthed kisses against the patch of skin beneath his neck, "Yeah?" He sighed pleasantly, his own palms pressing themselves below the other's back.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Settling in between Jeno's legs, the feverous kiss swirled an indescribable heat traveling through Jeno's spine.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You looked beautiful tonight." He mumbled between kisses, watching Jaemin's eyelashes fluttering against his cheek, raising the corner of his mouth into a broad smile, Jaemin slumped his entire weight on Jeno's chest. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You did too, mister prom king."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jeno huffed out a breath, shifting his legs to accommodate Jaemin better in between, his ragging heart couldn't tell if the other was truly in front of him or was it an illusion, an image created inside his head to recover the pieces of his heart the other had torn apart when he walked away from him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Pressing his palms insistently on the younger's shoulders, he nibbled gently on Jaemin's lower lip, hearing the other whimper a choked moan, it all felt extremely real and immensely false at the same time.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Tell me I'm not imagining this, Nana." He whispered, a desperation clear in his voice, his shaky hands holding onto the other so tightly it would definitely leave bruises in the morning.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"It's real Jeno, I'm here, why wouldn't it be?" Jaemin tilted his head to the side, dipping his thumbs to rub soothing circles on the corner of Jeno's mouth.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Because you rejected me–" He swallowed hard, "You said you needed time and then–Why did you kiss me? Why are you here right now?" A spiral of doubts began forming inside his head the moment seemed much more like a mirage than anything remotely realistic.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jaemin's body went frigid, tense under his touch, stoic as a statue would feel under his fingertips, the scene surrounding them turned black, any hint of light disappeared leaving Jeno alone in the dark with the dissolving image of the person he often dreamt about.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>This wasn't one of those dreams; this was a nightmare. A cruel reminder of what he'd never have.</em>
</p><p> </p><p><br/>Donghyuck had been his comfort, his happy person and the only one that stood by him through it all; walking with the suntanned boy through the busy streets of Seoul, they stopped at the nearest park to catch a breath.</p><p>Truthfully, Jeno had asked his friend to accompany him to retrieve the suit he ordered from one of the confectionery shops his mother had suggested.</p><p>It was a rental suit, much cheaper than purchasing a brand new one, unlike Donghyuck or Mark, his family wasn't able to indulge in all the comforts life had to offer, he didn't complain; it was a good life.</p><p>"So you had a bad dream?"</p><p>Jeno rubs his temples, the sunlight peeking through the mantle of leaves from the trees above them blinded his eyes momentarily, he hadn't been able to catch a glimpse of sleep all night.</p><p>"Yeah, do you think it means anything?" He mumbled worriedly, the rejection of his soulmate bond had undeniably broken something inside him.</p><p>He could be vague and tell everybody around him that things were seemingly fine but they weren't—there was a nagging thrumming at the back of his head that didn't brush away as much as he tried.</p><p>Jaemin would remain his soulmate for the rest of his life, regardless of such a blatantly obvious fact it didn't instantly meant they'd fall for one another when Jaemin's heart never belonged to him since the beginning.</p><p>Hyuck bumped his knee with his own, "I don't think it means anything, you just need to stop sleeping so damn late."</p><p>"But what if it's linked to my soulmate bond–what if it's trying to tell me that Jaemin is gone forever."</p><p>His friend snorted, "He lives just around the block."</p><p>Jeno groaned loudly, slapping the other's arms away from his back, he went back to gaze at the couple of swing sets that stood in front of them, "You know what I mean."</p><p>"I'm just playing with you, maybe it's just your worries getting over your head."</p><p>"How am I supposed to feel when Jaemin hasn't directed a word to me for weeks?"</p><p>Donghyuck let out a breath, "Look. He's just scared to accept that he's your soulmate."</p><p>It was reasonable for Jaemin to be afraid, he felt nothing but terrified as well, if he could turn back time he would've chosen a much better way to drop the truth to his best friend.</p><p>"I miss him." He muttered defeated, clenching his fists together whilst staring at the pavement in front of them.</p><p>His friend slid his hand on his back, rubbing circles soothingly it was the only way for him to comfort Jeno without uttering a single word.</p><p>There was no simple way for Donghyuck to show his support, he could lie and say 'sure he misses you too' but neither of them knew that, or he could be completely honest but that's not what Jeno wanted to hear at that moment.</p><p>"I'm scared he hates me now."</p><p>"I don't think he hates you, he's just confused, give him time."</p><p>Jeno let out a sigh, he would give Jaemin as much time as the other would possibly want, wait an eternity for him to speak once again, the only problem was that he wasn't sure the younger would do the same for him.</p><p> </p><p>.*︵･｡ﾟ︶︵*</p><p> </p><p>Jeno was dining with his parents that night, chatting away the things they've done the entire week, preparing for his roaring graduation; it all was irrevocably perfect in his family's eyes.</p><p>For him things were far from it.</p><p>He excused himself after an uneventful evening with his parents, heading upstairs to lock himself in the confinements of his cramped bedroom.</p><p>Kicking off his socks for a brand new pair, the walls of his bedroom were filled with posters of distinct musicians, besides antagonizing himself as a hobby his favorite activity was the sensation of the rigid strings whenever he played the guitar.</p><p>He'd been writing a song for the past summer, nothing too complex or with a melodic symphony but something much personal and heartfelt; a song that meant to portrait every bits of his heart and his subconscious mind, everything he felt towards the person that seemed to want nothing to do with him in his life.</p><p>However, he was in a slump, the sounds emitted from his instrument weren't the feelings he desperately tried to portrait.</p><p>Frustration took a toll on him, an ungratifying feeling sat deeply within his chest as the guitar stood against the wall mocking him for his lack of enthusiasm and motivation to keep playing.</p><p>A call disturbed his train of thoughts, the ringing of his phone blared through the speakers as he tapped the screen in order to answer whoever was on the other side of the line.</p><p>"Hello?" He breathed out, shifting his weight slightly on the bed, awaiting an answer as he laid his back comfortably against a pile of pillows.</p><p>"Hi. It's me, Jeno." A small voice responded, in a blink of an eye his posture had gone from comfortable to rigid and anxious; his heart thrummed painfully against his ribcage at the sounds of Jaemin's voice. His friend was reaching out to him after an eternity apart (an exaggeration on his part.)</p><p>"J–Jaemin? What's up?" <em>Is that the best you can come up with?</em> Mentally cursing Jeno couldn't help the unanimated sound of his voice as he spoke to the younger.</p><p>Don't get him wrong, he felt a weight lift off his shoulders when the other had called, a possibility rising in his chest that perhaps the other didn't completely want to give up on him after avoiding him like a plague for weeks—on the other hand, he simply couldn't stand hearing Jaemin's voice again.</p><p>"Jeno. I think we have to talk, can I come over?" There was a desperation in the other's voice, an urgency in the way the words stumbled out of his mouth, it shook the older to the core with concern over him.</p><p>"Yeah, we can talk."</p><p>
  <em>"Great, I'll be there soon."</em>
</p><p>Jeno let out a breath, "Alright, take care." Just as a wave of exaltation had come crashing onto him, it quickly vanished into thin air as the call came to an end.</p><p>Talking was inevitable, a necessity where both would have to come to terms with their relationship; whether the shell of their friendship would still be there by the end of the day, Jeno wasn't so hopeful of that outcome. </p><p>For all he wanted the most was to be simply given the chance to stay within Jaemin's life, as a friend, as an acquaintance even—becoming a stranger after all they've been through together would be a low blow to his heart, a dreadful reminder of how good he had just a couple of months back.</p><p>A reminder of what he's lost.</p><p> </p><p><br/>The moment the bell rang, Jeno came to a realization their friendship would surely come to an end, every other occasion he's come to avoid would no longer be left aside to decipher on its own.</p><p>Jaemin had called for him, he wanted to speak to him—there was simply no other explanation. Perhaps he'd say the most devastating words he'd ever hear or a glimmer of hope would surge from underneath the latter's kind soul and he'd tell Jeno they can still remain as best friends.</p><p>A deep breath and a few strides down the stairs, Jeno opened the door with trembling hands, sweating pooling on his forehead; awaiting the worst outcome possible.</p><p>But rather than the gorgeous pink mop of hair he's grown accustomed to watch throughout the entire year and an equally enchanting grin, he was met with sun kissed skin and brown strands of hair that curled onto the forehead of his friend, Donghyuck.</p><p>"Hey! Thank God you opened I thought I would freeze out here." Pushing Jeno aside to step inside his home. </p><p>He's been there countless times he knows the place like the back of his hand—his parents were no strangers to Donghyuck's antics but often found them amusing. </p><p>Jeno scrunched his nose at the sight of his friend adjusting his shorts mid-doorway "You're here because…?"</p><p>"Wanted to fill you in with the latest news, you don't answer your goddamn texts I have to come here personally." The other huffed in exasperation. </p><p>"I do answer my texts," that's a blatant lie, "I was just doing something just now." </p><p>The other raised a brow but didn't call him out for the bullshit excuse, it didn't sound believable to Jeno's ears, greeting his parents on the way upstairs he couldn't tell how did his friend manage to charm anybody that laid eyes on him, his parents included.</p><p>His room wasn't as neat as he usually left it but it was Donghyuck, there was no need to be tidy with the other in his house.</p><p>The only wandering thought that remained inside his head was whether Jaemin would most definitely not come after all. </p><p>Had he backed down or changed his mind? </p><p>With heavy disappointment oozing out of his body like a cascade of overflowing emotions; Jeno quietly watched as the other boy made himself comfortable on top of his mattress.</p><p>"So, guess what happened just a couple of hours ago." Donghyuck started, his usual playful demeanor wasn't there but instead his expression was uptight—a blankness drawn all over his features.</p><p>"I don't know, something important?" Jeno picked up his guitar, uninterested in the possible news the other could give him.</p><p>"Jaemin is going to prom with Lucas." Cutting to the chase Donghyuck dropped the bomb on him, planning to explain it all carefully and calmly wasn't his style and he surely believed Jeno deserved to know after all the time they've been apart.</p><p>If his heart shattered at the thought of Jaemin crushing on somebody else for the entirety of high school, the news of him accepting to be someone's date tore every fiber of his soul apart. He's known all his life Jaemin wasn't meant for him, feigned there could ever be a chance of them together but it had always been a lie he told himself.</p><p>In aim to make his pitiful soulmate mark a little brighter, with a promising future ahead of him. </p><p>Hot tears built up in the corner of his eyes, a gut wrenching sensation that swirled his insides unpleasantly at the thought of his soulmate with somebody else.</p><p>It had never been as vivid as before, the idea of Jaemin holding someone else, sharing a kiss with someone that wasn't him, the usual glint in his eye whenever he stared with those doe-eyes at Jeno's face. </p><p>It was all gone. All gone for good.</p><p>"I'm sorry but I thought you should know, he's an idiot and thought you wouldn't go so he accepted out of nowhere—wait are you crying?" The other stood abruptly.</p><p>Jeno lowered his gaze away from the other's prying eyes "No–no I'm fine." </p><p>"You don't look fine to me. Come on please don't cry?" Donghyuck raised his head but his warm palms were pushed out of the way as Jeno's vision blurred from the streams of tears that rolled down his cheeks.</p><p>"How the fuck do you ask me not to cry? Do you not understand how I feel right now? My soulmate doesn't want me! You don't get it because you've never met your soulmate!" The raise in his voice caused his friend to flinch where he stood; a tense silence followed suit as the two stared at one another in Jeno's room.</p><p>He hadn't meant to snap at his friend, the only person that had been there for him through thick and thin while he pitied himself from being unloved by someone else.</p><p>The atmosphere only worsened when the familiar sound of Jaemin's voice resonated through the thin walls of his home; a mockery from the other's presence that he'd been desperately craving for weeks. </p><p>Donghyuck opened his mouth but the words died inside his throat the moment the other's frame entered Jeno's bedroom; a shy smile stretched the corner of his lips that soon dissolved into nothing when his eyes landed on Jeno's crying face.</p><p>"Jeno? What's wrong? Are you okay?" Dropping the bag he held on his hands, the younger cupped Jeno's face in between his palms; brushing his damp cheeks from the tears that stained his flushed face. </p><p>A soothing sensation that should most definitely not be there rolled onto Jeno's body the moment his eyes caught sight of Jaemin's concerned expression, unlike many other times he's seen the younger's face there were bags under his tired eyes, hair sticking out in every direction and a few droplets of sweat that slid from the side of his head caught his sight.</p><p>He'd been out of the breath the moment he stopped inside the room, as if he'd been running the last hour to catch up towards Jeno's house just as he had said over the phone.</p><p>"Please don't cry, did something happen? I'm here Jeno, I'm here." Pulling the older towards his chest, he circled his arms around his frame, a warmth spreading inside his chest as a flower that bloomed unexpectedly in the confinements of his heart.</p><p>"I missed you." Jeno mouthed on Jaemin's skin, his lips pressed where the younger's shoulder met; a slight shiver ran down his spine when he felt the other's fingers running through his hair. </p><p>Jaemin let out a breath "I missed you too, Jen, so much." </p><p>A cough interrupted any other words that were thrown out of their mouths, Donghyuck watched their interaction with an indescribable expression, out of nowhere he'd forgotten just the reason why he'd begun crying in the first place when his soulmate walked in.</p><p>"Sorry but we were in the middle of something, why are you here? Came to make Jeno feel worse?" Donghyuck pointed an accusatory finger at Jaemin's body who only held Jeno tighter in his embrace.</p><p>"I came here to apologize for being an idiot the last few weeks. I didn't mean to hurt him," Turning his gaze to stare at Jeno's numb face—his eyes spoke thousands of emotions that he couldn't convey as much as he tried to blurt them out. </p><p>"I'm sorry I hurt you Jeno. I'm sorry that I asked you to give me time when it felt like absolute hell without you. I don't know why I asked for time in the first place when deep inside I've always known that you and I were different." Relaxing inside his hold, Jeno watched Donghyuck scoff from the corner of his eye but he didn't dare point it out.</p><p>In another moment those words would mean the world to Jeno but as of now he didn't know what to think after finding out Jaemin had no intentions of accepting his feelings when he'd agreed on a date with somebody else. </p><p>"Of course we're different–we are best friends!" Jeno could mend what was broken, if they moved past the complications of their relationship and simply called it off as platonic there was no reason for them to avoid one another.</p><p>However, as soon as the words left his lips, Jaemin's expression darkened; an unmistakable grimful smile greeted Jeno's sight this time around.</p><p>"Just friends?" </p><p>Jeno clenched his fists where they laid on each side of his body, "Yeah, friends."</p><p>Watching with bored eyes their undeniably idiotic interaction, Donghyuck let out a pained groan—throwing his hands in the air as he made his way towards the door.</p><p>"Just say you two love each other and stop this nonsense! I'm going home now you two better fucking talk!" He threw them a dirty glare and soon enough his steps down the stairs were the only sound emitted inside the room. </p><p>A loud bang startled them both on their feet; an indicator that their friend was truly gone for good only for them to be swallowed by the complete silence that had built up the last few weeks between them.</p><p>Hands cradling Jeno's neck, the younger fluttered his lashes as he leaned his face close enough to lay tiredly his head on Jeno's shoulder.</p><p>"I ran here–" Jaemin was cut off by Jeno's soft laughter, "I know, you look like hell."</p><p>"I feel like hell without you. I meant it when I said I missed you all this time, I know it was my fault but I was just too afraid to lose this." Jaemin let out a shaky breath; his fingers threading between the older's nape.</p><p>Jeno pushed both of their weights until the back of his knees hit the bed; falling with Jaemin on top of him with a soft tud. Limbs tangle themselves under the comfortable mattress.</p><p>"Why would you ever think that?" His breath ghosting Jaemin's hair as he spoke, sending pleasant waves down the younger's spine; they've both definitely missed it—having each other around.</p><p>"Because, all this time you knew about it and you had to listen to me all those times,"</p><p>Brushing away a lock of hair from Jaemin's forehead; Jeno breathed in with ease as the two tangled their limbs together on top of his bed—a sensation of security that wrapped around each other when each of their soul marks aligned with one another.</p><p>"I never realized we had the same marks." Jaemin's voice cracked ever so slightly, barely noticeable if only it weren't for Jeno's entire focus on the steady sound of his heart.</p><p>"I didn't tell you, it's also my fault."</p><p>"But I should've known, I was such a terrible soulmate."</p><p>Sucking in a breath, Jeno tugged on the younger's arm, placing his arms around the whimpering boy who dug his nails into his lower back—faint crescent-like shapes that adorned his body in an uncomfortable way but bearable enough to have Jaemin's frame wrapped around him.</p><p>"You can't keep beating yourself up, it was only my fault. I should've told you everything since the beginning." Jeno mumbled against Jaemin's hair, smoothing out his palms to caress his soulmate's back.</p><p>"Can you promise me there will be no more secrets between us? No more keeping our feelings? Please." Jeno gave him a single nod; the tension between their bodies evaporating within the couple of minutes they spent together.</p><p>Fit like two pieces that were never meant to be apart one another. </p><p>"Hey, Jeno?"</p><p>The older hummed, awaiting the other's words as the two listened to the quiet sounds of cars passing by outside—the leaves that rustle in the high treetops due to the heavy wind, a calming atmosphere that inevitably lulled him to shut his eyes completely.</p><p>Succumbed by the need to fall asleep deep within the safety of his soulmate's presence next to him.</p><p>"Can I kiss you?" A singular request that held the entire world between Jaemin's palms. Opting from keeping his eyes shut in order to believe this was somehow much more than just a dream, Jeno nodded once more.</p><p>The darkness that filled behind his eyelids was met with a spark when two cushioned lips landed on top of his, a single peck that punched the air out of his lungs and swirled his insides—tide waves cooled his mind and raised the heat on his cheeks.</p><p>Soon enough a peck became two, three, cupping Jeno's face between his smooth palms; Jaemin preened himself when the older let out quiet grunts that filled the room. Tongue grazing Jeno's bottom in an instant the other's mouth was wide open, allowing him much more space to indulge in.</p><p>The sweetness of their tongues sliding together, hands roaming Jaemin's hips and bodies pressed impossibly closer had Jeno's mind in a haze that he never wanted to brush away.</p><p>Setting his body ablaze, they broke apart after their lungs demanded oxygen—foreheads locked in place as they catched their ragged breaths.</p><p>"I wish I had done this sooner." Jeno muttered under his breath, pressing a chaste kiss on Jaemin's cheek who seemed equally content as he was.</p><p>Interlacing their fingers together, Jaemin laid his head on top of his soulmate's chest. The rise and fall of his chest easing down with every passing second. </p><p>"I wish you had." </p><p>Bringing their hands together, Jaemin pressed his lips on top of the older's knuckles—a feathery touch that had the butterfly swarm inside Jeno's stomach break free. </p><p>"Jeno, would you like to go to prom with me?" Jaemin laid out the question in the air.</p><p>"But, I thought you were going with Lucas?" </p><p>The younger narrowed his gaze, "Lucas? I never gave him an answer. There's nobody else that I'd love to go to prom with than you. My best friend, my soulmate, my boyfriend hopefully." </p><p>Elated with the quiet confession that his best friend had given him, Jeno pressed their soulmate marks together, inhaling the intoxicating air between them; the familiar musk of peaches and cherry blossoms that Jaemin radiated had his mind drunken off his pure scent.</p><p>The sensation of being complete, with his soulmate accepting their bond, something unimaginable right in front of his eyes.</p><p>"You don't have to hope for anything, I've always been yours since the start." Jeno beamed, pushing himself to sit on his knees next to his lover.</p><p>"Then, Lee Jeno, let me make it up to you for all the time we lost."</p><p>"I'd very much like that."</p><p>At once, they fit together the empty pieces that had been missing far too long. Together they could mend their broken hearts and give a shot to something brighter, something hopeful.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>ahh it's over, I wanted to make this story longer but I was really busy writing on other platforms! I wanted to show their life after they accepted their soulmate bond but maybe for another time?</p><p>thanks for reading and waiting for so long!</p>
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